fastblog's Diaryland Diary

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new fast! : day 4

so I have started the fast again.

I know it is something I have to do, but I also know my motives must be pure, and that I have to spend these forty days deep in prayer and in God's word. part of the motivation was watching the intended Day 40 of the first fast come and go on the calendar... it went by so fast, too. and even after all that, I still feel God calling me to do it.

it changes people. from what I've read, it can lead to rejuvenation and other health benefits in the body. more than that, it encourages the faster to rely on God. it slows one down and alters perception, allowing one to focus on what really matters. it matures the faster and humbles him/her. I am looking forward to that focus.

a recent experience has taught me that I need to trust in God with everything I have. that is THE way, the ONLY way, to live the Christian life... or rather, to live at all. trusting in Him means living the way He intended you to live, no questions asked. trusting in Him means resisting everything -- EVERYTHING -- that is not His. and that is bound to make anyone unpopular in this world.

I want to show God that I do trust Him. I had more time to think about and prepare for the fast this time around, and made sure I knew what I was doing and why I was doing it. I set better goals, composed stricter rules, and prepared nutritionally by eating more vegetables and fruits beforehand.

but it occured to me a day or two before the fast that I could die.
I don't think I will. I am young, strong, and healthy... that and I am 50 lbs overweight, so it's not as if I'm going to lack energy or anything. but the possibility scared me badly.
then I decided that my life -- my death -- was in God's hands this time, more obviously than ever. and I found peace in that.

I have just completed Day 4. today I cleaned my house for about four hours straight, then read a novel, watched a movie, cut my brother's hair (a MASSIVE undertaking), played ball with my dog, and went shopping with my mom. just now I finished folding 2 loads of laundry. I wasn't expecting to have this much energy, much less a sense of ambition or a desire to do housework of my own volition (scrubbing toilets, no less). I have been allowing myself to sleep a lot in case I run out of energy, but I seem to be doing fine.

the hunger itself has not been constant, for which I am grateful. I don't feel hunger pangs unless I think about it... and I don't think about it, most of the time. resisting food temptation has been of course challenging, but it never lasts long.
part of my fast involves fasting from sex, including dating, masturbation and teh pr0n. in some ways that fast is more intense and difficult to stick to. I went to a shindig the other night with some work people and was dared to tongue a co-worker... and I did... what a mistake! I should have been more careful and strict about that part of the fast, the part that includes sexual touching. a dare seems harmless, but it was debilitating. later the aforementioned co-worker was touching my tattoo, and I became extremely aroused and distracted. it took DAYS to get over that without being able to physically release the tension. I have also been tempted with certain attractive female friends that I have had to pretty much ignore in order to avoid temptation.

I do think about food a lot, especially when someone in my family is cooking and delicious smells pervade my house. I keep thinking about all the things I will eat when I am finished! but I am also going to try to eat more healthfully after my fast is over.

I have found this website helpful. a lot of sites I found through Google are very "alternative medicine"-y and some of them try to sell you stuff. this one is honest and God-centred, which I crave. that and the Bible are my lifelines during the next 36 days.

3:12 a.m. - 2006-07-29

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