fastblog's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- day 5: conjoined twins, bespectacled dieties and Paris Hilton here is something I wrote earlier:
wow, I just woke up. I usually sleep in whenever given the opportunity, but last night�s sleep was deep and restful and full of dreams, and not overly long. Go me! I did have a really strange dream last night. I dreamt that I drove to NYC on my day off, and met God. He was a small bespectacled man who could turn Himself into a furry worm. Worms were the most important creature in His hierarchy, apparently. When I got to His abode, things started to get wonky � ie. the stars and sky were rippling and looked like they were falling. He said that He discovered that creating too many conjoined twins fucks up the universe, and the world going to end within a matter of days. Then He turned into his worm form, and a bird, a dog and a cat all attempted to kill him. He ended up getting thrown across the room; I tried to find Him, but I couldn�t. I went out and about realizing that I needed to atone for my sins and tell people I loved them before the world ends. I went somewhere that seemed like a combination university campus and train station, where I helped two students carry a heavy piece of equipment into the food court of the building. In return they bought me a delicious soft cookie, and I bought a cake to eat on the ride back. After eating the cookie I turned around and saw this girl my sister used to be friends with, we�ll call her C, sitting at one of the tables reading or studying or something. She was wearing a uniform. C had just gone grocery shopping and was eating a lot of atkins-friendly food, with a package of bacon open in front of her. Then someone walked in front and scattered the bacon on the floor. I realized it was time for me to leave, so I did. I panicked a little about getting home in time for work before I realized I had the whole next day off. I encountered Marlowe in the dream somewhere between meeting C and my arrival home, but I don�t remember what we talked about. I think we were very quietly and solemnly �discussing� something, that is, arguing without getting heated and attempting to prove something to each other, but I don�t remember what it was. It might have been an online conversation too. Anyways, I made it home just before dawn and saw my sister in the backyard in a large pile of straw. Upon closer scrutiny, I realized she was entwined with her boyfriend�s best friend, who we�ll call P. I went out to intervene. I saw many of P�s friends outside as well. It soon turned into a gang war with me threatening to tell my sister�s boyfriend about what happened. I don�t really remember the rest... I know there were some instances of me weeping and telling some people that I loved them, but I don�t remember specifically who or under what circumstances. In any case, it was pretty weird, but probably stemmed from my conversations with my sister, and my evening spent reading through Atkins and Christianity communities on livejournal. I am the same weight today as I was yesterday. My stomach is bulging out and I feel very full � I have an inkling that this might be because of the carbonated aspartame drinks I consumed yesterday. They left a bad taste in my mouth. Only water for me from now on.
I hope God isn't really a small bespectacled man, it would be way anticlimactic. when I'm driving around to get my sister or to go to church or work, I always pass vineyards, orchards, and lush forests and reflect on how God created all of this, how each blossom and bud encapsulates a small part of His beauty. I believe that God made us in His image, and thus He possesses the full range of emotions that we possess... but on a much larger scale. it must be so incredibly intense. He must feel things, know things, see things with a wholeness and a hugeness we could never comprehend. that being said, I guess if God made boring things He has the capability to be boring. and if God made small bespectacled men, He could appear in the form of a small bespectacled man if He so chose. it just doesn't jibe with my view of God as this magnificent, intense, life-filled passionate being. but He did create peaceful things. and also lame things like mosquitoes. so idk... He's prolly going to smite me any second now for insinuating that he's lame. anyways, I had a pretty productive day. after writing the first part of this entry, I read the rest of Ecclesiastes and puttered around in my room tidying it up. then I went about straightening up the main floor, doing laundry and washing the dishes nobody had bothered to do yesterday. then I went and cleaned up the backyard a little. we're trying to work on the garden a bit every day so that the house doesn't look horrible and overgrown when we sell it. I found I had enough energy for these things while I was doing them, but kept doing everything at an excruciatingly slow pace. I also noticed that I am really starting to enjoy brief naps in between activities. I have no energy reserve. I think the small amounts of tea and coffee I've been consuming up until yesterday have prevented my body from switching into ketosis and burning fat for energy. at least I hope that's the case, and that when it does I'll be able to run around a bit more. my sister insisted on stopping at Wendy's again on the way home. arrrgh!!! she got some burger that looked delicious and amazing and smelled great. I thought briefly about smacking the burger out of her hand and out the car window, into the street. but it's not her fault I was salivating. I've realized that I totally resent being tantalized by depictions of food on TV and in movies. I also hate watching people cook and smelling cooked food, which is even harder to ignore now that my sense of smell is heightened. my brother came home with a quiznos sub today, which sucked. I've also been tormenting myself by looking at the atkins message boards I used to frequent and hearing people talk about bacon and eggs... I know I should suck it up and realize that the suffering is kinda the point of the fast, and that billions of people feel like this every day. more than anything I've realized how plentiful our culture is, and how bent we are on our physical satisfaction. on that note, horniness ensues again today. I never thought I'd say this, but I totally can't wait till I menstruate so I can stop being aroused for once. that's easier to fight than the hunger, but still distracting. especially when you stumble across online videos of Paris Hilton seductively washing a car and eating a hamburger... gah. 5:51 p.m. - 2006-05-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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