fastblog's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a radical recommitment to purity More than anything, I want to feel like I'm doing the things God wants me to do, that I'm following His path for my life. It's something that's beyond The Purpose-Driven Life, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Captivating, or even The Perfect Christian. Religion and faith aren't always intertwined, nor does one naturally assume the other. My faith has only been hurt by "religion" -- by rules, by human-created systems, by worldly expectations. Most people don't approve. Two friends I've known since I was 17 turned against me for becoming a "Jesus-loving hippy freak". An ex-girlfriend began to treat me rudely, despite the fact that I had been a Christian while dating her -- she predicted that I would soon be "barefoot and pregnant". Other possible romantic partners turned away as soon as they heard the word "Christian", or attempted to unconvert me without listening to my reasoning for my actions. I discovered a deep division in my social life; there were my Christian friends, and then there was everybody else. I'm tired of compromising my faith for others' approval, or being pressured to. I'm tired of arguing and resisting judgment from others. I'm tired of feeling as if I need to justify my position to others and even myself. Only through God can the divison be closed -- not other people, not institutions or communities, not acceptance from this culture. Culture in itself is as transient as the grass that grows and is cut down a day later. Things have been changing... and still more must change. I'm in the process of deleting my GayCanada profile, as I'm done with that scene -- that and I don't need aging cougars/bicurious highschoolers attempting a casual hookup. I don't need to be dating right now -- I need to appreciate the people around me as friends, as brothers and sisters, as mentors, not as potential mates. I feel the need to purify my mind and heart and soul. I tried this before when I abstained from dating, romance and physical/sexual contact for a year, with great effects. I'm going to take it one step further now. Feel free to read as I write. I wouldn't write this out here if I didn't want to share it -- it's as much for me to express myself as it is to share. For the next forty days I will be documenting everything I feel is relevant, including conversations I have, texts (spiritual or otherwise) I read, dreams I experience, revelations, and situations at church or at home. In the meantime, I am going to take my dog for a walk and enjoy the warm air. 7:32 p.m. - 2006-05-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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