fastblog's Diaryland Diary

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hunger

I'm not counting down. I'm not watching the clock. the hunger simply exists, as if it always has. maybe that's true -- we exist in a state of constant hunger, of desire, of need. that's what drives us.
after abstaining from sex for almost a year and a half, I succumbed to Marlowe. once I did, I couldn't stop. I wanted it much more than he did, to the point that he would refuse me -- I was pressuring him for sex, sometimes twice or three times a day. I possessed an insatiable appetite.
the same goes for food. after five years of struggling with bulimia, I flirted with the atkins diet for about two years. the diet kept my blood sugar at a constant low, but I had to carefully monitor everything I ate. I realized that too much of my life revolved around food.

I haven't had the former in more than two weeks, and the latter in almost two days. I crave neither. there is a dull gnawing in my gut that comes in waves, but mostly just a quiet feeling... a quiet need. it's one I can ignore.

8:09 p.m. - 2006-05-07

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